Tips for dealing with the trauma of a miscarriage

Miscarriage is common around the globe. According to official data, between 10% and 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. It may be due to 

• Genetic problems, 
• Infection, 
• Reproductive problems, 
• Uterine abnormalities, 
• Age, 
• Other underlying medical conditions.

For most of us, miscarriage is nothing more than the loss of an embryo or a fetus. Still, that knowledge can be a cold consolation if you’re dealing with a recent loss. In fact, after a miscarriage, many women are shocked by the intensity of their emotions. Feelings can run from shock and depression to unreasonable guilt and anxiety about a future pregnancy. Men, too, maybe struggling with feelings of loss and inadequacy. This is especially true if they are not sure how to help their partner during this challenging period.

Such feelings are completely normal. The process of emotional healing after a miscarriage may take some time. It also takes a lot longer than physical healing takes. Allowing yourself to grieve the loss can help you deal with it in the long term.

What is a miscarriage?

Miscarriage happens when a baby dies in the womb before 20 weeks of pregnancy. About 10 to 15 in 100 pregnancies (10 to 15%) end up in miscarriage for women who realize they are pregnant. Most miscarriage happens in the first trimester up to the 12th week of pregnancy. Miscarriage in the second trimester (between 13 and 19 weeks) occurs in 1 to 5 in 100 (1 to 5%) pregnancies.

As much as half of all pregnancy can end in miscarriage. We don’t know the exact number because a miscarriage can happen before a woman realizes she’s pregnant. Many women who are miscarried will have a healthy pregnancy later.

What causes a miscarriage? 

Unfortunately, there is no treatable reason for miscarriage. The study tells us that almost half of all miscarriage happens when the embryo’s chromosomes are defective. And the baby does not progress rightly from the beginning.

• Miscarriage is more common in older women than younger women. This is mainly because chromosome abnormalities became more familiar with growing age.
• Miscarriages are even more common in women who smoke. And in women who consume more than three alcoholic drinks a week during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. Data shows that miscarriage is also more common in women who drink more than 500 mg of caffeine a day. 500 mg is about three or five cups of coffee a day.
• Certain medical conditions in the mother may cause miscarry. These are uncontrolled diabetes, fibroids, or thyroid problems. Rare medical diseases that affect blood clotting can also cause miscarriage. Such symptoms should be checked for women who have three or more miscarriages in a row.
• Chronic villus sampling (CVS) and amniocentesis carry a small miscarriage chance. There are tests in which the needle is inserted into the uterus.
• High fever can lead to miscarriage, but mild infections (such as colds) are not dangerous.

Dealing with miscarriage

Here are a few tips to make a recovery a little easier. Pick and choose those you think might be of help.

1. Acknowledgment: Acknowledge the fact that you’ve lost a child, and it’s all right to talk about it. Communication is an important tool that can help you cope with any complicated situation. Allow the mother to share her emotions and be thoughtful about it.
2. Take care of yourself: Get enough rest, eat a balanced diet, and include physical exercise in the everyday routine. Do not turn to cigarettes or alcohol to soothe the pain. You should take medicines only under the guidance of your doctor.
3. Grieving your loss: Unfortunately, some family and friends tell women that they’re not supposed to feel such a sense of loss. This is particularly common when a miscarriage happens early in pregnancy. But early loss is not usually easier to cope with than one later in pregnancy. And if a woman has been pregnant for a short time, her pregnancy may have been scheduled for years to come. Allow yourself to experience the grieving process at your own pace and in your way.
4. Create memories of your baby: You might want to name your child. You may also take consolation in holding a memorial service. Like you can personalize a piece of jewelry, plant a tree. Or make another memorial in honor of your child. You may also ask the hospital employees to make handprints or footprints or have the baby baptized or blessed. You might also swaddle the baby or take pictures of him or her. Some professional photographers specialize in working with families who suffer pregnancy loss.

5. Coping as a couple: Men and women generally respond differently to a miscarriage. Sometimes, when faced with a crisis, men turn to problem-solving. They may feel helpless and inadequate when they are unable to “fix” their partner’s grief. Miscommunication is also a common issue. Sometimes, a man sees his wife crying while he speaks about a child, so he learns not to bring the subject. And because he doesn’t bring it up, the woman might think like he doesn’t care when he does. 

Experts advise men to show how much they care and open up and express their feelings to help counter the impact of miscarriage on couples’ relationships. For example, they may watch other children, cook dishes, or take their partner out for a special dinner.

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6. Only think about another baby at a time that is right for you: Physically, you should try another baby as soon as the signs have stabilized and you’ve had a period. At first, make sure you’re emotionally and mentally ready. Remember that most women can have a successful pregnancy after a miscarriage. You can get a successful baby even after a repeated miscarriage. 
7. Ask for help after your miscarriage: After a miscarriage, many sites can support you. You just need to find the energy to ask. Miscarriage may be so upsetting, and you and your partner can need advice or support. The Miscarriage Association will help you cope with how you feel and answer questions. Hospital counseling facilities may also provide support. And help you understand your grief and cope with your loss.

8. Join a support group: Sharing with someone who has suffered pregnancy may be encouraging. A member of the clergy or a spiritual advisor may be another good source of advice or guidance. Grandparents of the child or other loved ones may benefit from similar support.

Ready to try again?

A common question that many women have after a miscarriage is when they will be able to try again. Ask your healthcare professional what’s best for you. In general, the first phase of the menstrual cycle begins four to six weeks after a miscarriage. It’s usually safe to conceive after a regular menstrual period. Though, you will often be recommended to get medical tests first to determine the cause of your miscarriage. Your feelings will also need a little more recovery time than your body. It’s best to wait until you’re physically and emotionally ready to get pregnant again.